2005-06-30

Okay, call off the suicide watch. Don't bring me flowers. Don't sing me love songs. I don't care if you talk to me any more when I come through the door at the end of the day.*

I'm feeling much better. Two things helped:

First, I mowed the lawn. Yes. Mowing the lawn put me in a better mood.

I think it's the whole "toiling with your back" thing. Despite the fact that I was using a high-dollar Toro self-propelled mulching mower (that I got second-hand of my father, who's too indolent in his old age to mow the lawn himself any more), it's still work. Especially when it's 95 degrees, as it was when I mowed it.

And, of course, mowing the lawn makes my surroundings look better. While I'm not too keen on the actual act of mowing the lawn, surveying a well-groomed Delaware-sized stretch of grass, knowing it was my handywork that made it happen, well, that's real satisfaction.

Then, when I was finished, I played a game of what I've been calling "Charlieball". If that sounds like some kind of game of soccer where I kick the dog around, you're a horrible person for even thinking that, you monster! No, it's just me running around the yard, flailing my arms like a maniac, chasing the dog and barking at her. I have fun, the dog has fun, and, again, it's exercise. I went inside after I couldn't chase the dog any more to cool down and get some water, and I was covered in sweat, and the dog's tongue was dripping like a faucet. I think we'll both sleep well tonight.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Why do you call it "Charlieball"? There's no ball involved. I mean, here you are calling me a monster, and I'm just trying to figure out where the ball is.

Okay, you've got a point. Frankly, I don't know why I call it Charlieball. I wish I had an answer, and I apologize for calling you a monster. There. You happy?

Well, other than to assure you, gentle reader, that I'm in a better mood than yesterday, I don't have much today. I've been working on a treatise, whose working title is "Why Bob Geldof Is an Idiot (and Not for the Reasons You Might Think)", but alas, it's not done yet.

Um, let's see. What's happened in the news lately?

• I see that Prince Bandar has resigned. About frickin' time.
• Another beheading in Thailand. Perhaps they should consider dropping more origami swans on them.
• You've probably all heard about him already, but in case you haven't, I want to be this guy when I grow up.

Um, okay, that's about all I got.

* If you didn't get the reference, I'm sorry. I'll do my best to be less oblique in the future.