Announcement

Someone -- I think it was George Burns, although it could have been George Castanza -- once said to think of something you'd do for free anyway and then figure out a way to get paid for it.

This always struck me as something better in principle than in practice, since, as best as I could tell, I didn't love to do anything but sleep, eat, and do things I can't talk about on a family web site. Which this isn't, exactly, but mind your own business anyway.

Anyway, writing here, I've found half of what I'm supposed to find for a job, i.e. something I'd do even if I wasn't getting paid for it. As it happens, I'm never going to get paid to do this, but that's all right. If I got paid, there'd be a whole lot of bullshit and bureaucracy attached to this, and frankly, I can do without that.

Anyway, the only reason I'm doing it is because of you people/person, my loyal readers/reader. Well, to be frank, my primary audience is this guy right here. The one typing. I write about stuff that I think is interesting and I like reading my stuff. I like the fact that I've presented the world phrases like "white-hot jets of diarrhea" or "hubcap-festooned boobies".

But however much I might like writing, the only reason I actually bother to do it is because I know that someone out there is reading it. I've tried keeping an actual journal, and I can never keep it going. For some reason, the idea that someone else will read it seems to make it worth doing.

Anyway, since you've done me a great service just being out there and reading this crap, and since this is the time of the year to do things like this, I'm unveiling what will possibly be the last ever Salivating Dog Reader Appreciation Program.

Here's how it works:

Sometime between now and December 9, you send me your address and mention something I've written that you liked, and I will send you a Christmas present.

The Salivating Dog Reader Appreciation Program FAQ

• Q: So, I give you my address, and mention something you wrote that I liked, and you send me a Christmas present?
• A: Yup.
• Q: Really?
• A: Really.
• Q: Are you going to set up us the bomb?
• A: If this is asking if I'm going to use your address for evil, and send you something awful, like a bomb, no.
• Q: Will I end up on a mailing address for multiracial midget porn?
• A: No, nobody will end up with your address but me, and I'll probably lose it shortly after I've sent you the appreciation gift.
• Q: So, if you aren't going to send me a bomb or junk mail about Asian amputee cheerleaders, what is it?
• A: It's a secret suprise! But I promise it's awesome.
• Q: What if I'm only just reading this on December 10? Can I still get my name in for the rad Christmas present?
• A: Nope. You're outta luck!
• Q: Where should I send you my address?
• A: To the email address over on the right. Which is salivatingdog thelittle"at"sign gmail.