The Manual

You want to read the most entertaining, informative (but ultimately kinda useless) thing you could read all day?

The Manual: (How to Have a Number One the Easy Way)

This is by The KLF, the guys who wrote, among other things, that song "Doctorin' the Tardis", which you've probably heard at some time or another, possibly at a basketball game. It has the same basic tune as "Rock and Roll" by the extremely creepy Gary Glitter. The lyrics go a-like-a so:

Dr. Whoooo! HEY! Dr. Who! Dr. Whooooo! HEY! The Tardis!

Anyway, after writing that gem, and after that song went all the way to #1, they wrote The Manual, which shows how to do it. I mention that it's kinda useless because it was written in Britain in 1988. First off, a lot has changed technologically since then. Take this eerily prescient quote:

It's obvious that in a very short space of time the Japanese will have delivered the technology and then brought the price of it down so that you can do the whole thing at home. Then you will be able to sod off all that crap about going into studios.

As it happens, it was some combination of the Japanese, the Americans, and, depending on what you're going for, the Swedes. But it's true, you can, to a large extent, eschew the studio. So, I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader what you can and can't do.

And there's the fact that he was writing about the British market. You can say whatever you want about the evils of media consolidation in the U.S. and I'll probably agree with you (although I probably won't agree with your solution). But in terms of one monolithic presence in media, there's no equivalent of the BBC here. No, not even Clear Channel.

But because the BBC is so monolithic, that simplifies things there to an extent that it can't be here. But the rough outlines are the same. For instance, you'll still need a plugger, or, as they describe theirs:

Without him this book would have to be retitled "How To Get To Number 47 - With A Certain Amount of Difficulty".

The man is a true star.

And it's sprinkled with little bits of philosophy and commentary about the music industry:

The "indie scene" in this country since then has been filled with a new found confidence: everything can be achieved. It was as if having a Number One single was the last bastion of the majors. Certain cynics will point fingers and whinge that the indies of today will be just the majors of tomorrow. Wasn't Richard Branson and his Virgin Records the ultimate hippy ideal in the early seventies? We won't deny that behind the majority of indie labels is a would-be Branson, whose stunted megalomania will undoubtedly be reflected on the way he brings up his children.

or this one:

Up until now you might have felt these chapters have been riddled with cynicism.

Cynicism is a terrible, disfiguring character trait if used by the individual who is forced to carry a bitter chip. He will use his cynicism to cope with the weight of life and all its trials. But cynicism harnessed to your advantage can help debunk fraudulent mysteries that prevent us from sharing in what is possible and what is ours.

That last line is sublime, by the way.

Anyway, read the whole thing. Highly entertaining.