Winnie the Pujols

(Editor's Note: This is the written word, so unfortunately you can't see J pointing at himself with both thumbs. So let it suffice to say that he's talking about himself.)

This day was absolutely charmed from the git-go. For starters, me, my special lady friend, and the Cub went to mass at the majestic St. Francis de Sales, the so-called "Cathedral of South City". Mass was in Latin.

I learned a few things: 1) I know hardly any Latin. 2) The pre-1969 mass doesn't have much audience participation, so that doesn't really matter too much. Et cum spiritu tuo. That's about all you really need.

Then we all went home, changed into our civies, picked up a friend of the Cub's, and it was off to a more secular sort of Cathedral, the new Busch Stadium. The aforementioned lady friend, who it would seem has connections all over the place, managed to wrangle four of her company owner's tickets. In the Cardinals Club seats. Those are the green seats at the very bottom. The eighth row. If they were Lakers tickets, they'd be the seats that Jack Nicholson's sitting in. Un-be-freakin'-lievable.

But before we actually got to these seats, we pulled into the VIP parking, which was about 30 feet from the entrance. Then we made our way to the lounge area and helped ourselves to the complementary brunch buffet. Delicious! And, as gametime started rolling around, we sauntered off to the seats (padded, of course), where our waitress, Lorie, dropped by, handed us a menu, and asked if we wanted anything.

Between the four of us, I think we had about 30 soft drinks, 15 hot dogs, a few bratwursts, and some assorted nachos, popcorn, peanuts, and cheeseburgers.

And, of course, the three home runs. Fantastic.

To paraphrase Ice Cube, I gotta say, Sunday was a good day.

If there's a moral to the story, it's to work hard, save your money, and one day you too can live the good life. Or, in the case of the owner of the lady friend's company, figure out a way to be born the son of someone who worked hard and saved his money, then squander your inheritence on things like swanky baseball tickets. Or in our specific case, hope you get lucky when the guy with the tickets is wandering through the office.